The College Mom Lives — The Latest Installment

                                                                                                                Mary BaughA Day in the Life of  College Mom….                                                                                                          REFLECTIONS

          There are moments lately, when I find myself reflecting. Not necessarily about the big things that are important, like family, my health, paying bills or the state of the economy, but about the little things. I actually find humor in the fact that I can’t remember the last time that I took a leisurely shower, or how many times I ignored my incoming phone calls because I didn’t have time to talk. These days, it seems like school  is the bottom line. School seems to take the front seat, and everything else takes the back. The guilt that I feel over that fact hits me sometimes, and that’s when I take an extra 20 minutes to read two more stories to Sabrina, instead of just one, or I take the time to throw the Frisbee with Collin instead of telling him “I don’t have time right now.”

            It feels indulgent to me now, to take the extra time with the kids, whereas before school, it was just normal, and taken for granted.

            Is this what it is like for everyone in college? Is life sort of on hold, and the dreams and aspirations that were so clear before, slightly dim and fuzzy now because the report that is due is the only thing you can see clearly?

            So, it is Saturday afternoon, and my nose is in my Biology book. I am trying so hard to grasp the concept of Meiosis, and I’ve had to pee for 20 minutes. I keep holding it, though,  because I know that once I get up to go, I’ll realize that the base of the toilet desperately needs washing, and I’ll notice the dried up globs of toothpaste all over the bathroom counter that need to be wiped up. Then once I walk downstairs to empty the overflowing trash can, I’ll notice that the kitchen garbage and the recycle container are both overflowing too, and they need to be taken out. Then on my way back inside, I’ll get clawed by the cat because his cat food dish is empty, and while refilling that, I’ll remember that dinner isn’t going to cook itself, and while the phone rings off the hook from loved ones who are checking to see if I’m still alive, I’ll forget what Meiosis even means.

            These are the moments when reflections tend to take place. When I realize that sitting on the toilet has become a moment that I appreciate. When I long for a shower that lasts longer than 5 minutes, and when I actually sit down to eat.

            I think my husband Garth put it bluntly to me one day, when I was overwhelmed, and he said; “Remember, you still have a family.”

            I reflect on the fact that I sort of have what is commonly referred to as ‘Supermom Syndrome’ I cant humble myself by accepting help.

            For years and years, I did it all. I woke up at the crack of dawn and roused up kids, got them dressed, fed, bathed, and off to school. I spent the day taking care of a baby, feeding chickens, hanging clothes out to dry, and making homemade bread and cookies. There was never a mess in my kitchen and the beds were always made. The laundry was always clean and folded, and I even had time to paint and quilt. I made dinner from scratch every night, and had a wonderful garden every summer.  Now I can’t even remember when the last time I washed my hair is, and when I catch Garth doing the dishes I snap. I get mad because I feel guilty, and I don’t want to admit that I can’t do it all. There are moments when I realize how lucky I am, to have a partner who willingly shares the load that I always bore, but the reality is, that I want to be able to give more than is humanly possible.

            So at the end of the day, when it comes right down to it, life is what it is. I can spend my time feeling guilty for how things are, or I can enjoy the little moments of indulgence, and those times that I can reflect on life and how lucky I really am.

 

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