Life of College Mom — Part 4

        A Day in the Life of a College Mom Part 4…. Fulfillment         Sometimes, when I walk around the school campus, I feel out of place. Not because people aren’t kind. Not because no one smiles at me, or because anyone, makes me feel unwelcome. It’s not for any other reason, than I seem to be an average of 10 years older than everyone I meet. I laugh at times, when I listen to the conversations around me. When I hear students talking about their lives outside of school. It seems, that outside of my world, life is one big party,and I’m not invited. I don’t mean that in a “feel sorry for myself” kind of way, because believe me, I’ve had my party days, and I wouldn’t want them back. But in some ways, I want to relate. I am on a different level, it seems, when it comes to why I’m here. In general, everyone I meet does take school seriously, in that they want to pass their classes and get good grades. But aside from that, their goals don’t seem to be crystal clear. There’s always time for that, right? Life is short, why waste one’s youth on being too serious? But for me, that moment has passed, and the future and my part in it is ever so omnipresent. I worry that I’ve waited too long. I worry that I can’t keep up. I worry that this younger generation is going to pass me by, and I’ll still be here. Here struggling with biology, with math, and yes, with finding that balance.         This delicate balance, between being a mother and being a student has to be fine tuned for it to work to my advantage. I have to get it down to a science, or I will find myself on the edge of something completely out of control. I remind myself that this is just the beginning and I do have time to work out these kinks, but on the other hand, every second counts when I have a stack of homework to finish on my left side, and a stack of laundry to fold on my right.         If I can ignore that nagging voice in my head that keeps reminding me about how long it’s been since I cleaned out the refrigerator, or         how the laundry basket full of unfolded socks has just become the norm for us (instead of me folding them and putting them away) I can ignore the voice that tells me to hurry and catch up with everyone else. I can realize that life is not a smooth running operation. I can come to terms with my struggles and go with the flow, instead of trying to control the chaos.         Last night, I put sabrina in a bath, and while it was running, I went in my room to catch up on some biology. Getting caught up in learning about the differences between DNA and mRNA, I naturally had no idea that she had gotten out of the tub to find a barbie to play with, and that the water from the tub was sloshing over the side and creeping under the bedroom door, until my socks got wet. (she usually calls me when it starts to get too full) So, there goes another 20 minutes of study time, and instead of grumbling about it, hey,at least the bathroom floor is clean now, right?         I was truly caught up in a research assignment that I was working on for sociology this afternoon, and I consecutively burned 6 batches of cookies in a row. It just seemed that every time I put a fresh batch in the oven, my mind simply refused to remember that they were there. So, although I was near tears at the frustration of it all, I salvaged them and decided that maybe they weren’t really burnt, just a little darker than usual. My family must really love me, because every last one get eaten. Either that, or they are so desperate for home baked goods that they barely noticed.         So, when I walk around the campus, and I overhear a young group of girls laughing and talking about the incredibly fun weekend they’ve had partying and sleeping in, I remind myself that I did that once too, and now, I have a new kind of party happening. One full of overflowing bathtubs and overcooked sweets, but a family who is along for the ride.It’s worth it to me, that I can’t make it to the bar for a game of quarters and pool on Saturday night, and spend Sunday with the invariable hangover that lasts all day, because I’ll pour a glass of wine, cuddle up with my family, and fell as fulfilled as if I had.   

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